Twitch and Shout!
Usually when I wait at the bus stop, everybody tries to cut in front of the line. People will be really sneaky about it too. They pretend they are looking down the street to see if there's a bus coming, they step in front of you, and then they just stay in front of you. I try not to trip on it.
Sometimes a schizophrenic guy comes and stands at the bus stop with me. He twitches and shouts and jerks a lot and talks to himself very loudly. By now I know he wouldn't hurt a fly.
One time some asshole came up behind this guy and shouted ahhhhhh.... at him, just to be mean. The poor schizo guy jumped 3 feet in the air. He kept asking, "Why he do that? Why he do that?"
I replied, "Cuz he's a jackass!"
One day last week, I was standing at the bus stop and everybody was cutting in front of me and then the twitchy guy came and stood really close beside me. He was jerking and dancing and shouting, "Where the bus be at?" over and over again.
I didn't think anything of it. Suddenly I realized that he and I were standing there alone with each other. I looked around and all the other people waiting for the bus had moved far away from us in a wide, half circle behind us.
Ha, ha!
posted by Miss Carnivorous @ 5:23 PM
4 Comments:
Crazy, always trumps rude!
A TREATISE ON BUS-STOPS.
part 1 - Elementary - I fear you Oaklanders are just a bunch of nuts. Why should anyone queue at the bus-stop? The driver won't leave until the last queuer is on board. And if you jump in firt, you keep waiting for the last.
CURSED BE THE SIXTH
Strudel: hurry up, I have questions that cannot wait
Gail: wot's up
Strudel: do English people queue at a bus stop? do they fucking queue at the bus stop?
Gail: of course they do ..they r civilized..not like the iti's
Strudel: and why do they wait, the nuts. Driver won't leave until the last one is on board. Do they think that the first in will arrive sooner?
Gail: u being an iti can never understand our civilization, education and respect for others
Strudel: we the itis let first the ladies in, to better pinch their bums. You brits, all skizos, anywhere you gather you make a queue, even if there is no service. Invading you, to teach you good manners, would result in a waste of time. If you meet a tree on your way, you queue behind it and keep waiting until it moves on forward.
Gail: u got problems..u just push here.. the bigger the lout..the better the place..maleducati.
U have to be given numbers..that's a sign of louts. Numbers in the bank..numbers in the post office..numbers in the chemist, numbers everywhere.
Strudel: so so, in England the last arrival at the bus stop cannot cut the queue, even if she is a poor granny under the rain and without an umbrella. Or a damsel in distress.
Gail: she will always find a kind person in the queue to help her..not like iti's, that will pick her pockets. Remember..only 5 allowed standing on buses..the 6th person stays behind for the next bus.
Gail: only a short wait ..not like iti's buses that r either late or never arrive
Strudel: Ahhhh , that's it. You haven't got enough buses.
Gail: i see u r coming up with rubbish now..u r lacking aguements on the subject...one over to me
Strudel: We are giving you some new bus for Xmas. Can't stand you queuing all time under the rain.
Gail: u got no fucking buses in italy. All crashed,old, smelly, full of thives.
Strudel: You Brits are sadists. You make a group of five bummellers and go to a whatever bus stop, just to laugh at sixth arrival. Then the group goes round the corner and starts the game again at another bus stop. This is called English humour
Gail: that's called Strudel’s warped humour. Did u dream about queueing last night..was it the first time in yr life that u queued? have u had a trauma?
Strudel:I think you Brits wish you had only one bus in England: since it would allow you to make a queue from Southhampton to Scotland, the hidden wish of the very Englishman and Englishwoman.
Gail: just taken pic, be nice to me now ..
(A pic of Gail is shown on the Pc-screen)
Strudel: You look nice, but there is a bit a sadness in your eyes. Do you miss a good English queue?
Gail: how did u quess? would never catch a bus here. I'm out in the sticks..here u need a car.
Strudel: So, you missed the Italian bum pinching on bus, for good and all. Admit that the main reason for what the Brits come living to Italy, is that they can at last cut a queue at the bus-stop.
In Italy you cut the queue, you don't pay the ticket, you get your bum pinched, and your feet punched, you pick pockets, you curse the driver because he doesn't drive fast enough and you are late. And the driver retorts by skipping your bus stop .This is the real life on a real bus.
Gail: wot fucking awful weather rained all night, now we have wind and its cold
Strudel: sorry, sunny here and no wind. Going ciclyng
Gail: mind the queue.
Strudel: But before I leave I am teaching you a last thing about manners on a bus
Gail: tell tell. Never stand up to let little old ladies sit down.
Strudel: What does the lady suggest to the gentleman who is pinching her bum ?
Gail: pinch my flower too
Strudel: - and would you please consider my boobs too now, sir?-
Stru, we will invade Italy to enforce order on you! Semper Fi, Queue or die!
In any case your High Court will do it to you eventually. They seem determined to make you into Brits!
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