If you come in my cage I'll eat you too!

Saturday, January 05, 2008

When dumb beasts attack!

The other day I was walking to the drugstore, some 8 blocks from my house when my path was blocked by 2 overgrown, overfed, ponderous, bovine teen girls.

They were the size and shape of NFL linebackers or Hawaiian royalty of old. Huge, lumpen creatures, taking up the entire sidewalk. Each with a cell phone to her outside ear, yakking inanely. As they travelled slowly along, they came together in the middle of the sidewalk, then separated, then came together again, meandering all the while towards Taco Bell.

I was afraid to squeeze between them, for fear of being crushed, or God forbid, accidentally brushing into one of them, a capitol offense, so I decide to give them a heads up. "Excuse me ladies, " I said, all politeness.

The behemoth on my right whipped her head around, much, much faster than I had thought her capable of moving. I guess like most linebackers she is cable of short bursts of speed. Then again, maybe it's just the neck thing. She stared into my face, narrowing her little piggy eyes in an evil glare. She actually came to a full stop, bristling with hostility.

I tell you I was afraid for my life, for a minute, I really was. I felt like Calamity Jane in Deadwood. I wanted to say, "Giganto, please don't tusk me with your tuskers!"

I had the misfortune once to get between a cow and her calf on a hiking trail. She came after me in much the same way. But the cow could move a bit faster, I'm thinking.

Luckily, the other Incredible Shehulk veered off towards the curb and I made a break for it!


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