If you come in my cage I'll eat you too!

Monday, June 18, 2007

Crazy as hell but a brilliant tactician!

My ex, the taxidermist, had a close friend who did not care for me. Pete was his name. He was manic depressive and in his manic stage was known to make up elaborate stories about himself. He was the greatest this and the greatest that. Most people believed his wild tales of being a former Navy Seal and swimming with the hammerheads and wrestling baboons off the decks of ships with his bare hands, but I did not. I have been around the block a few times and know a lot about a lot of things, so I could call him on his nonsense. He took a great dislike to me right away.

He only dated girls under 25, because they were firm and cute of course, and because they did not have enough life experience to realize he was crazy and full of shit. Some times he'd be telling a story and he'd look at me and he would see that I had my, "You are so full of shit face on," and he would be hatin' on me in that moment.

One day while we were at river rafting camp, he was going on about how "Mr Happy" would not work with women over 25. So I said, "Sounds like you have a problem with Mr Happy, you better get that checked out," and everybody laughed at him.

He had a problem keeping his credibility with me around, so he did much to undermine my relationship with the ex, no more than I did myself, but I remember one very clever, funny incident.

He had a very cute 21 year old girlfriend at the time, Jody was her name. They came over one night, uninvited, they just "stopped by." Jody was wearing very tiny white shorts. As they came in the house, Pete said, "We can't stay long, Jody isn't wearing any underwear."

Kerchow! They stayed for over an hour.


At 7:20 PM , Anonymous Karen said...

Hey Miss C. cute story. I can't stand people who are full of shit whether they be male or female. Anyways, I have a question. Who is Jamel and why does he visit you? I haven't been reading your blog long enough to figure this out yet. Thanks.

At 5:24 AM , Blogger Anita said...

you know, Miss C., i'm not always sure that the advanced BS detection mechanisms we develop as we get older are always a good thing. i remember being young and quite blissfully ignorant. I was of the type that really would fall for men like your manic friend. my ego would be inflated and gratified by their attention to me (i MUST have been *special* that such a cool and seemingly successful guy would find me interesting ... right). but seriously, it was flattering that "older" and "more experienced" men would be interested in me.

that was kind of the story of my 20's: seemingly sophisticated married men, with money (or so they led me to believe) who would take me to all the coolest restaurants and clubs in the city ... i always felt like, hey, not bad for a (to be honest) poor girl from the jersey shore.

sadly, my bullshit-dar has, over the years, become quite acute. but to be honest with you, i still wish i could be that girl with rosy-colored glasses. it was more fun. or at least i thought it was at the time.

At 9:15 AM , Blogger ricpic said...

Thank heaven for naive girls,
Without them what would old lechers do?

To the tune of THFLG.

At 12:12 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dont think Ive ever dated (fucked is another story) a woman younger than me, at least not significantly, although I fully intend to make up for that when I hit my fifties because I drink my women like I drink malt liquor.... in their forties.

At 12:14 PM , Blogger Miss Carnivorous said...

Karen, Jamel is the grandson of my lesbian, astrologist neighbors. He has been hanging out at my house for the last 4 years whenever he visits. He is the only other human who can lay hands on Devil Dog without drawing back a stump!

Anita, I think you should still date rich older men. You are no longer ingnorant and young and can use your experience to your advantage. Take em for all they're worth, girl.

Ric, you is naughty! But then, I likes em naughty, ask Jack, he'll tell you!

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