Ducknapping 101, or Crazy Ass Gringos can kiss my ass!

My ex, the taxidermist, had a good friend who owned a gun shop. One day the friend, Alec, went to eat a a local Mexican restaurant known for its great brunches. While entering the restaurant, he spotted some very fat Mallard ducks floating in the decorative pond in front of the entrance.

"Goddamn!" he said. "Those are some big fat ducks! I'm going to come back tonight, after the restaurant is closed, and get me one!" His friends laughed.

Later that night Alec went back to the little pond, reached in, and with his bare hands, snagged a drake Mallard. He quickly rung its neck by holding its head and twisting its body around, as duck hunters do.

He got back to the house and decided he didn't have time to pluck it right then, so he put it in the freezer.

The next day, his wife Joanie came home from work to find the front door open. She walked into the house and looked for her Mexican maid, expecting to smell the delicious odor of cooking food. She walked in the kitchen and saw that the refrigerator door was also wide open. She saw that the check she had written for the maid was still on the table.

She called the maid's home phone number and the maid answered and started yelling at Joanie, furiously, in Spanish. Joanie hung up, very confused. Then she heard it. A strange huffing sound. She followed the sound into her laundry room. There she saw a duck stting on top of her laundry pile, breathing raspingly through it's poor, twisted neck.

She called her husband to ask how the hell a duck got to be in her laundry, whereupon he sheepishly admitted his crime. He came home and finished the duck off.

The maid never did come back.