I have a visceral fear of Beyonce!

When I was in junior high, I used to be the goalie during gym class soccer games. On the other team was a tall powerful Black girl named Yolanda Minter. She looked like Beyonce without the weave and troweled on make-up. Naturally beautiful and stong, Yolanda had thighs like Earl Campbell on steroids. My dad would have said, had he lived to see the rise of Beyonce, what he used to say about Tina Turner, "Those thighs will crack your head like an eggshell!"

Anyway, Yolanda would come up to the goal line and kick that Goddamn ball so Goddamn hard it was like trying to block a rocket. She broke my glasses in half twice! I'd get ball shaped bruises. Whenever I see the muscles flexing in Beyonce's thighs I get flashbacks!