Arboreal Mermaid, Darryl Hannah, killed by Fish and Wildlife officer!

Ex movie star and ex Kennedy groupie, Darryl Hannah, was mistaken for a mountain lion and shot out of a nut tree, Tuesday, by a Fish and Wildlife sniper. It is unclear if Ms Hannah was dead on impact or if she was later stomped to death by Fish and Wildlife employees. Ms Hannah had been lurking in the branches of the tree to protest Global Warming and the destruction of ocean habitat, by both President Bushes, Jr. and Sr. "I once played a mermaid in a movie, Ms Hannah said, in an interview with Rolling Stone Magazine in 1994, so I know all about Marine Biology."

"We are sure that our officers acted lawfully," said a spokesman for the Department of Fish and Wildlife, formerly known as the Department of Fish and "Game." "After all, when you bleach gray hair as many times as Ms Hannah did hers, it begins to resemble the coat of a scruffy, mangy, underfed, very sick, possibly even rabid mountain lion. We had to consider the safety of our officers. These guys are Union employees. If one of them is even slightly injured, he could go out on Workman's Comp for months, if not years! Then the rest of us would have to take up his slack. I mean, no way! We are positive that the officer would never have shot her if he had been able to recognize her. She was still kind of hot, for a woman her age. Anyway, we in the Department of Fish and Wildlife think that Ms Hannah had already used up her 9 lives, by being the last surviving ex-girlfriend of a Kennedy for so long. I mean, she should have been killed long ago, its like that movie, Final Destination. Once an organism has fufilled its biological destiny it's time for it to move aside and make room for fresh young organisms. Nature works in mysterious ways. Sometimes, it works through agents of the Fish and Wildlife Department."

One horrified witness, who was afraid to give her name, sniffed, "They didn't have to kill her. They could have just trapped her and relocated her to a vineyard in France, or something."