Carnivorousness

If you come in my cage I'll eat you too!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Arboreal Mermaid, Darryl Hannah, killed by Fish and Wildlife officer!

Ex movie star and ex Kennedy groupie, Darryl Hannah, was mistaken for a mountain lion and shot out of a nut tree, Tuesday, by a Fish and Wildlife sniper. It is unclear if Ms Hannah was dead on impact or if she was later stomped to death by Fish and Wildlife employees. Ms Hannah had been lurking in the branches of the tree to protest Global Warming and the destruction of ocean habitat, by both President Bushes, Jr. and Sr. "I once played a mermaid in a movie, Ms Hannah said, in an interview with Rolling Stone Magazine in 1994, so I know all about Marine Biology."

"We are sure that our officers acted lawfully," said a spokesman for the Department of Fish and Wildlife, formerly known as the Department of Fish and "Game." "After all, when you bleach gray hair as many times as Ms Hannah did hers, it begins to resemble the coat of a scruffy, mangy, underfed, very sick, possibly even rabid mountain lion. We had to consider the safety of our officers. These guys are Union employees. If one of them is even slightly injured, he could go out on Workman's Comp for months, if not years! Then the rest of us would have to take up his slack. I mean, no way! We are positive that the officer would never have shot her if he had been able to recognize her. She was still kind of hot, for a woman her age. Anyway, we in the Department of Fish and Wildlife think that Ms Hannah had already used up her 9 lives, by being the last surviving ex-girlfriend of a Kennedy for so long. I mean, she should have been killed long ago, its like that movie, Final Destination. Once an organism has fufilled its biological destiny it's time for it to move aside and make room for fresh young organisms. Nature works in mysterious ways. Sometimes, it works through agents of the Fish and Wildlife Department."

One horrified witness, who was afraid to give her name, sniffed, "They didn't have to kill her. They could have just trapped her and relocated her to a vineyard in France, or something."

14 Comments:

At 10:55 PM , Blogger John Doe said...

"I once played a mermaid in a movie, Ms Hannah said, in an interview with Rolling Stone Magazine in 1994, so I know all about Marine Biology."

Wonderful!!!

Miss C, I've past one thousand hours translating my last post. If you have enough cold blood, you can read it here: http://idse.blogspot.com

 
At 12:16 PM , Anonymous jack said...

I guess this confirms ... it all smells like fish.

But honestly I personaly know that to be false :)

 
At 10:22 AM , Blogger Miss Carnivorous said...

SF,
I will check out your translated post, when I get home. We all know that I am as cold blooded as a reptile! One thousand hours, hmmm. Could you be prone to exageration? I saw the movie Brick last night, it was great! There is a really good article on Zpatero and the direction he is taking Spain in the Spectator online magazine. the article highlights a lot of what you say about your country, SF. Very intersting and sad.

 
At 10:23 AM , Blogger Miss Carnivorous said...

Whoops, I mean Zapatero!

 
At 10:24 AM , Blogger Miss Carnivorous said...

Jack, what's dat smells like fish, mama?

 
At 4:22 PM , Anonymous jack said...

No not mama ... and that was one in the plus column when we met.

As I see it you have odors and then you have offensive odors ... ones that will make you turn your head around!

 
At 7:33 PM , Blogger Miss Carnivorous said...

I live near the beach and people catch alot of stingrays and leave them to rot. Which is too bad cause their wings make good chowder. My dog thinks that there is no better smell on this earth than days old, stingray carcass.

 
At 9:27 PM , Blogger John Doe said...

We southern Spaniards are naturally prone to exaggeration, sorry.

I've just read the article you mention in your comment. You can use it to build a first impression of what is happening now in Spain. But believe me (without exaggerations, this time), the reality is much worse. By the way, many of the actual socialist worked for Franco when the dictator was alive, and the most powerful man in Spain today (not the president, not the king) made his fortune under Franco’s protection, and now he owns the most influent mass media: newspapers, TV channels, radio stations... and, as people use to say, he has his own political party: the socialist. Nice, eh? Basically, the only conservative media is COPE, Episcopal Conference’s radio station (Episcopal Conference is the religious nucleus of the Catholic Church), headed by FL Losantos, an ex-commie extremely cult and bad humored hated deeply by the leftists. Losantos suffered a terrorist attack several a long time ago.

 
At 9:59 PM , Blogger Miss Carnivorous said...

So, FL Losantos is the David Horowitz of Spain. A neo-con, excellent! Does he do commentary?

 
At 10:59 PM , Blogger John Doe said...

He hosts a radio talk-show and writes columns in newspaper and Internet. His news portal publishes AnnCoulter's articles in Spanish.

 
At 11:01 PM , Blogger John Doe said...

His talk-show: http://www.lamanana.com.es/

 
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