If you come in my cage I'll eat you too!

Friday, March 28, 2008

Politically correct way of stating our nationality in Spanish

I often hear that the latin Americans don't like it when we Americans say that we are American. Because, of course, they are Americans too.

But in Spanish classes I took many years ago and on most Spanish language tapes, you were taught to say, "Soy americana." Or "soy norteamericana." Most Mexicans called us norteamericanos. But then, Mexicans and Canadians are north Americans too.

But now I have noticed when glancing through Spanish books, that we are supposed to say we are "estadounidences," which sounds just awful, if you ask me. It just does not flow well. Nicaraguences are Nicaraguans, estadounidences are United Statesans. Not right at all.

British horror films in which the Americans are the coolest characters

Severence. The character of the American heroine is cute and plucky and all the guys are in love with her. It's really a good movie, as far as horror movies go.

Outpost. The redneck, mercenary character is very cool indeed. He's played by Richard Brake, who's from Wales, but does a bang up job acting as an American. His bio says he lived in the American south, which would explain his excellent imitation of a southern American. He reminds me of Chuck Norris, well, if Chuck were a much better actor. The movie also stars the big and handsome Ray Stevenson, from HBO's, series Rome.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Obama gets compared to a stallion, but he's more like a gelding

It used to be considered very bad for a White person to compare a Black man to an animal. But all of a sudden, lefty chicks can get away with doing so. I mean, looking at a Black man as a sex object/breeder. The lefty chicks always were round heeled when it came to hyper-masculine Black men, no matter all their protestations against chauvinist pigs.

Really though, if a sports announcer had said the exact same thing, he would now be the target of intense media scrutiny and sure to lose his job.

Problem is, Erica Jong is about as far off as it gets. She calls Obama a stallion and then goes on to say that the Dems care for children. Stallions don't care for children, stallions care about amassing a harem and getting them some. If stallions got religion it would be fundamentalist Islam. They don't believe in women's rights.

Obama is the opposite of a stallion, or at least, a failure at stallionhood, having only managed to gather one cranky, wild eyed mare. He is practically a celibate monk compared to his compatriots in the inner city. He's also a skinny nerd with a long girly neck. Really, he is just a Black John Edwards, minus the monumentally successful legal career.

Heck, Puffy Combs has 9 kids. Now he's a stallion. If we are going to elect men based on their sexual prowess, I say its Puffy for Prez.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Pick your poison!

The City of Berkeley wants to legalize every drug but cigarettes. I guess some drugs are politically incorrect. Cigarettes, the redneck drug!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

It's always about sex with them!

We recently had an employee art show. Right-wing and libertarian co-workers are both graphic artists. Most of the artists are painters. Some are jewelery makers, musicians and dancers.

A few are poets. One of the poets used to be right-wing co-worker's supervisor, and she did not care for him.

Co-worker told me she gave a reading of her poetry at the show which he listened to while he manned the food table. He heard her saying the words, "vagina," "Walmart," "orgasm," "Target" and "big box stores."

"Oh my God, I said. Were all those words in the same poem?"

"I really don't know, he replied. But I like all those things she mentioned."

Gangstas shoot kids at funerals in Oakland

Not much difference between inner city Iraq and inner city America.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Some liberals are beginning to sound like conservatives

"If “progressivism” is about sacrificing liberty to the interests of the social whole – with vestiges of a totalitarian approach – then it can have no appeal for liberals."

Michael Freeden

I don't know many liberals who feel this way, but it's good to know there are 1 or 2.

If Obama is like Luke Skywalker it's no wonder I don't like him

There are 2 types of people in this world. Some are those who want to be Luke Skywalker and some some who watched the movie Star Wars, never even noticed Luke Skywalker and instead felt thrills and chills when Darth Vader came on screen.

The Apaches and the Navajo.

There are the Tutsi's and the Hutu's, and in the old West, the farmers and the cowmen.

Kids who love furry little animals like koalas and kittens and kids who love sharks and piranhas and venomous snakes.

Vegetarians and carnivores.

People who enjoy movies such as Juno and Little Miss Sunshine and people who love war movies.

People who think the rule for man should be to help ones fellow man and those who believe every man should fend for himself.

Democrats and Republicans.

And never the twain shall meet, I'm afraid.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Rendition, the movie

They copped out in Rendition, by having a light-skinned, Dutch/Egyptian actor, Omar Metwally, play the lead character. The character he's playing has been in the States since he was a teenager and speaks fluent, accent less English. I guess the director thought that we would not have empathy for an actor with darker skin and an accent. In fact the actor who plays the lead, is not a very good actor. Jake Gyllenhaal out acts rings around him.

Since they were going for the non-Arab look, they might as well have just had Jake play the Egyptian, who gets snapped up by the CIA after a small bombing which kills an agent.

The actors who played the Egyptians looked to be, as usual, from various Muslim countries. This creates an odd looking film. The back story about the Egyptian policeman/torturer's daughter was also strange and unnecessary and filmed in such a way that it looked unrealistic.

Meryl Streep was good as the CIA head, but as usual, they fell to stereotyping by having her use a southern accent.

The movie didn't suck, but it played like a TV movie of the week. It could have been a lot better.

It's official, Miss C is headed for hell!

My co-worker from the Philipines really likes the holiday pageants that a church a few cities way puts on. He took me to see the Xmas show and it was great. The church has a lot of talented parishoners. Many hundreds of people come to see the shows. Last night he took me and right-wing co-worker and his girlfriend to the Easter show.

The guy playing Jesus was cute, but he really couldn't sing very well. He kept croaking, "This is my bodyeee ee, this is my bluh uh uh ud." It wasn't sung well but it was kind of catchy and I can't get it out of my head." Jesus' sidekick Peter, on the other hand, sang great!

During the intermission, before the last act, the preacher came out and told us that we will never, ever be good enough, we are all sinners and that it boils down to believing or not believing and that the non-believers are going to the dark place. Straight to hell!

He said this over and over and when he asked us to bow our heads in prayer he told us that if we had not received Jesus in our hearts, we could not even pray.

All I was thinking was that God didn't really give up much in the way the preacher kept saying he did. If he gave up his only son, he eventually got him back and even if he didn't, he could have made a new son any old time he felt like it. The same one, or a different one. He could of had a bunch of kids that looked like the ones Angelina and Madonna keep adopting. Not much of a sacrifice at all from God.

But the preacher would not have taken kindly to my thoughts. He then told us that we could pick up some information packets with a CD and a nice book in the lobby, but only if we had felt Jesus enter our hearts.

As we left, my Filipino friend walked up to the table with the free info and book. He recognized the guy manning it. He said "Hey, I didn't know you went to this church."

His friend replied, "Yes, I do."

My friend asked for an info packet. His friend asked suspiciously, "Did you feel Jesus move your heart?"

My friend said he had already accepted Jesus, you know, before. He's always had Jesus in his heart.

His friend reluctantly handed him a packet.

You know since I keep singing Jesus' song, I think he got into my mind.

Twitch and Shout!

Usually when I wait at the bus stop, everybody tries to cut in front of the line. People will be really sneaky about it too. They pretend they are looking down the street to see if there's a bus coming, they step in front of you, and then they just stay in front of you. I try not to trip on it.

Sometimes a schizophrenic guy comes and stands at the bus stop with me. He twitches and shouts and jerks a lot and talks to himself very loudly. By now I know he wouldn't hurt a fly.

One time some asshole came up behind this guy and shouted ahhhhhh.... at him, just to be mean. The poor schizo guy jumped 3 feet in the air. He kept asking, "Why he do that? Why he do that?"

I replied, "Cuz he's a jackass!"

One day last week, I was standing at the bus stop and everybody was cutting in front of me and then the twitchy guy came and stood really close beside me. He was jerking and dancing and shouting, "Where the bus be at?" over and over again.

I didn't think anything of it. Suddenly I realized that he and I were standing there alone with each other. I looked around and all the other people waiting for the bus had moved far away from us in a wide, half circle behind us.

Ha, ha!

Friday, March 21, 2008

Just like Wafa Sultan, Miss C is insolent and stops at nothing!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Osama might want to rethink his call for Jihad against Israel

Every time the Palestinians and their allies go to war against Israel, they lose more territory. The people with the most to lose, and who are only pawns in a larger game, are the Palestinians.

I'm down with Osama's desire to open up a can of cartoon violence on Europe. At least parts of Europe. It'd be cool to see the Frenchies walking around with big lumps on their head.

The Oceans of Evil, or When Devil Rays Attack

This is only the begining. Stingrays are on the attack. We must invade and occupy their territories. Hunt them down to the ends of the seas!

The media is claiming that these rays are the rays of peace, but I know better. Ask this poor woman's family what they think about stingrays.

Devil dog likes nothing more than to roll in a long dead stingray and now I know the reason why. Dogs can sense things we humans cannot.

Pound Puppy

I was complaining about Devil dog at work.

He's cruel to chidren and small animals, I whined. And generally meaner than snake doo doo."

"Maybe he needs the dog whisperer," a co-worker said.

"He doesn't need the dog whisperer," I said. "He needs the dog catcher!"

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Stupid ass, leftist chicks, if you want to show your solidarity with right-wing Muslims, wear the hijabi, not the keffiyah. Keffiyahs are for men!

Quit misappropriating Arab culture or Native American culture for that matter. In fact why don't you take some pride in your own culture, for a change. The fact is, you're such nonentities that nobody pays much attention to you. Wearing the keffiyah is not really about supporting the oppressed so much as it's about sticking it in the face of the popular people who rejected you in high school.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

On Movies

After the Wedding, a Danish movie starring Mads Mikkelsen. Of course, all Danish movies star Mads Mikkelsen. Excellent, but really just a long, beautifully acted, gorgeously filmed soap opera. Never let the elitists fool you, they are just as into maudlin sentimentality and improbable plot twists as daytime TV fans.

Blame it on Fidel, a French film, which is, in every way, a perfect, perfect film. It is about a young, spoiled, rich French girl whose parents throw off their trappings of wealth, and suddenly decide to become communist radicals. The girl's nanny blames it on "Fidel and those Dirty Reds, those bearded ones," and the little girl takes it to heart and is determined to resist her parents to ruin her life. When the parents move her and her brother to a tiny apartment and the bearded radicals start coming to meetings there, the little girl tries to convince them that capitalism is superior. In one scene her parents take her to a street protest and she is glaring up at all the bearded guys. She asks them what is the difference between group solidarity and acting like sheep. It is beautifully written and the actress who plays the little girl is wonderful. I can't recommend this movie highly enough. It is funny and sweet and realistic.

30 days of Night. Josh Hartnett, Josh Hartnett, sigh. Danny Huston, son of John, is great as a vampire. I love scary stories set in remote, icy locations a la The Thing. The movie was bloody and fun and it had Josh Hartnett and a lot of Maoris from New Zealand playing Alaskan Natives. You know one of the reasons I hated the movie Pearl Harbor so much is that I would never have chosen Ben Affleck over Josh Hartnett. Never.

Documentary, Crazy Love, about a beautiful woman who was a victim of an acid attack, made by a frustrated suitor. She was blinded and disfigured, but went on to marry him after he served 14 years in prison for the attack against her. Unbelievable, but it's all true.

Super kewl short zombie film, I Love Sarah Jane, from Australia, available online at Netflix. The plot involves teenage survivors after a plague. Lord of the Flies meets Night of the Living Dead. 14 minutes long.

An animated short, from students at Brigham Young University, called, Der Ostwind, also available at Netflix. It's about a German WWI pilot who despairs of ever finding a worthy opponent, until he meets up with an American pilot. Beautiful and moving. 10 minutes long.

New Gov. David Paterson got lots of action

For free! On account of he is fine, so fine! Let's face facts, no way could Elliot Spitzer have attracted hot 22 year old chicks with only his looks.

The movie, The Bank Job, made me want something I never knew existed

A thermic lance. I need one.

Funny looking, but are they racist?

Saturday right-wing co-worker and I went to a new Bed Bath and Beyond store. After we picked out a few items for purchase, we were standing at a check-out register, when a Black kid from a group of about 4 teenagers saw one of these Grow a Head, figurines and took offense. He was remarking to his friends about, "How racist," it was. He was a bit agitated. His friends seemed uninterested.

The young man walked up to the register we were at and said very politely to the checkout clerk, a gay white guy, "Excuse me sir, but I think this is racist."

Checkout clerk replied, "Thank you," in a choked voice.

The kid plopped the figure, on the counter, in front of us, and left.

Co-worker said, "Well at least he is thinking."

I picked up the ugly, chia pet thingy and began to giggle. "It is kind of racist," I said.

Then co-worker and I began to laugh. (We'd had a few margaritas) The Clerk, of course could not join in our merriment, as he would have gotten in trouble. The clerks at this new store are very customer service oriented. The clerk appeared very uncomfortable and was happy to see the back of the kid and us.

I think the kid had possibly had a class at school wherein the teacher had shown him depictions of racist Black memorabilia, which he, quite naturally, I think, associated with this very ugly Grow a Head. A Black co-worker and I were looking at these online and we agreed that since the faces are made of coconut fiber, which is naturally brown, it does make the heads look like Black people.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Spitzer got off lucky, pun intended!

Paul McCartney had to pay 50 million for his call girl. And she only had one leg!

Oh yes the Europeans are soo much more mature about sex

Even my precious Theodore has fallen for the myth. Often, when one of our politicos has been caught engaging in shenanigans, liberal columnist after liberal columnist will pooh pooh the importance of the behavior and say that the French would think it a non-issue, as they are oh so sophisticated about sex.

Meaning, of course, that in Europe men get to cheat on their wives with impunity. Impunity from what? Public censure? The wrath of their wives? Men seem to be hopeful that the grass is greener somewhere and that eventually women will come around to a better understanding of mens true natures. It ain't never gonna happen. Unless your wife is a for real true swinger and they are thin on the ground.

Miss C calls bullshit on all these liars. Miss C used to babysit for scores of wealthy uber-liberals who lived in big houses in the Oakland Hills. Many of them were second generation European immigrants. One family was French. Here in the SF bay area there is little difference between the liberal elite and the liberal elite in Europe.

When the husbands of the women I baby sat for were found to be cheating, and they often were, the wives carried on something fierce. Then divorce ensued. No liberal woman I know would be cavalier in the face of a husband who spent $80,000 on call girls and I doubt that French women would either. The only sifference between them and us is that they are cool with foreskins.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Oh heck yeah! How cool is this?

It doesn't get any better than Kung Fu Summer School! I'm definitely in the 4 and up category!

Bad neighborhoods

Our organization is planning to open a new branch in the absolute worst part of town.
Right wing co-worker thinks they are going to outsource our entire department and use us to staff it.

"We will all be killed," I complained. "Do you know what they are going to call it?"

"Brancho del Muerto," he replied

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Are boys better at science?

Everyday on my way to the bus stop, I pass 2 kids on their way to school. A brother and sister about 7 and 8 years old.

This morning they were both helmeted and riding push scooters. I stepped aside so they could pass me on the sidewalk.

As I did, I overheard the boy say, "Albert Einstein."

His sister said, "Who?"

The boy said, in consternation over his sister's abysmal ignorance, "You know, Albert Einstein, the first scientist ever born."

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Valerie Bertinelli's bio, Losing It.

Wherein Valerie exposes herself to be as dumb as a banana slug, but infinitely less fascinating.

Book review of, Silver, My Own Tale As Written by Me with a Goodly Amount of Murder

by Edward Chupack.

This is the biography of Long John Silver, the fictional pirate of Treasure Island fame. The language of it is so beautiful it hurts my cold, black heart to read it.

"Young Silver, and fondly I recall the lad, knew that he was headed directly for Hell and not anyplace where he would be playing the harpsichord or spinet."

Take this you dratted enemies of Miss C

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Islamic fundamentalists in Iraq forbid touching between tomatoes and cucumbers!

"The laws passed by the Islamic Emirate were surreal and very similar to the infamous Taliban decrees. They banned smoking, for starters. They forbid merchants from displaying tomatoes and cucumbers together (if you are wondering - they are feminine and masculine vegetables and may not touch each other). They forbid women from sitting in chairs."

"Fat is good for you, it makes you happy!"

Another quote from my Grandmama. May she rest in peace.

I was at the supermarket the other day and perusing the beef offerings in the meat dept. Slim pickings, in more ways than one.

"Are you looking for anything in particular?" one of the butchers asked me.

"I'm looking for a piece of meat that still has some fat on it," I replied.

"Boy," he said, clearly amazed. "You sure don't hear that too often, any more."

Monday, March 10, 2008

Anti-depressants found in drinking water in 41 US cities

Miss C is not surprised. All the city liberals are on anti-depressants. Nearly everyone I know is taking them.

Oakland refused to test its water on account of it is full of crack cocaine. On that you can depend.
That is why Miss C is so damn crazy!

Saturday, March 08, 2008

co-worker from China says her parents were so charmed by Chairman Mao,

they slaved away for him most of their lives.

I'm confused. Wasn't Communism supposed to help the workers? And yet, their devotees spent all their time working for the State. She told me her parents even thought they were helping Americans by being good Communists. They thought we would eventually see the light

Co-worker says she no longer trusts charming leaders. She says she will never vote for a charming person. Who could she be talking about? Could it be, Mr Charm himself, Obama?

Friday, March 07, 2008

California court turns parents, who home school their kids, into criminals

"A primary purpose of the educational system is to train school children in good citizenship, patriotism and loyalty to the state and the nation as a means of protecting the public welfare," the judge wrote, quoting from a 1961 case on a similar issue.

This is a very conservative argument against home schooling, but it begs the question, what in the hell is this judge thinking to assume that teachers in our current school system whould ever have as a goal, schooling children in patriotism and loyalty to the state.

What kind of crack is this judge smoking? He needs to know that American teachers have the exact opposite in mind. They want to teach kids to hate this country as much as the teachers themselves hate it.

The teachers' union is jumping up and down over this ruling. If ever any group of people need to be purged it is the teachers' unions. They are criminals and thieves, they've been ruining our children and stealing our money and hanging is too good for them.

Wait, wait, wait. Now I get it, the Judge wants teachers to make kids into Cuban style commies!

Ace of spades turned me on to ceiling cat's translation of the bible and I am addicted, here's Exodus

Princess findz Moses in a bukket in teh rievr (Ex 2:5).1 Sum guye wented to Levi's place an marryed hiz doter.2 An the doter hd a bayby who wuz a boi so she hided himm.3 So she decided to do wot Pharo saied an put hm in teh rievr but she maded a bukkit fur him sos he woudt drounz. An she sed pharo is liek rly laem 4 tellz us puts babyz in teh river An not sais u no can has bukkitz lol st00pid pharo.4 An his big sis miriam wuz tehr 2 An she hided An wotched him flote awai. An teh crocodielz An teh lolrusz did not eated him. wich wuz good cuz if dey did tehr wudnt b no mor storyz An htis wud b rly short bibul.

5 An teh Princess was nekkid in ur riiver havin baffs cuz she rly liekd baffs and sawed teh widdle babie and gotted him out.6 An teh baby cryd, an Princess wuz liek whoah. A Hebruw. An he iz teh cute 2. WANT!!!!!!!!!

7 An miriam wuz teh rly smrt kidz An she sayd shoud I gett a Hebruwe to takes caer ov it?

8 An Princes she wuz liyk, yeah. so miriam wentd bak 2 her momcats base An sed woah mom, teh princess is finded my kid bro An she is wants hebroo momcat to taeks care of him An u can goes 2 princessz base An do dat An how kewl iz htat?9 Princess wuz Phoaro's daoter, btw, srsly. An she sed to teh Heberw ladie who wuz rly teh babyz momcat u can has a money 4 bein babysitr An she sed k. cuz Herbbwe layde wuz liek, whoa its my baby. Only she dint sai it ot lowd.10 An wen he wuz grone up, Princess wuz sayed, Ur naym is Moses, srsly. cuz she sed i meanz i took u out ov teh riverz An stuf.

[edit] Runnin awai 2 Midian
11 Moses all growup now!. Wun dayz he go see his frenz. they is workin hard. Moses sum Gypshun d00d beatin up a Joo laik Mosis.12 Mosis look round & not see no 1 so he go and capped teh Gypshun. He hied teh bodi in sand to makes it invisabl.13 An then sum otha guyz whu wurr Jewz saied, y u do dat? 14 An Moses wuz llike Your not teh bos of me! An thot to hisself How did tehy no bout it?

15 An Pharo wuz liek, WHUT? GONNA KILL HIM! But Moses runnd awai to liv in Midian wif d00d naemd jethro but ncis wuznt inventd yet so he was sheeplhurd.16 An dese gurls caym to get woter for sheeples, an wuz seven of dem.17 An sum sheepleherds who wuz bout as evil as puppehs sed u no can has a watr An triyed to stop em but Moses helpd em.

18 Teh gurls got hoem, an thier dad sayd Why u so quik getin woter?

19 So they tole him a bowt Moses. but dey didnt tellz him dey thot moses wuz all hot An sexy An stufs. 20 An ther dad wuz liek Bring hm her An he can haz cheexburgrz An pepsis An stuf but no fryz cuz fryz wuznt nventd yet.

21 An Moses livd wif da man an maried his doter Zipporah. An all teh ohter grrlz wuz sorta jelus but l8r dey can haz menz 2 so was k.22 An tehy haded a baby cald Gershom, an wer liek lol gershom funy name.

23 An latr on Pharo died an all teh Jews werre llike, too much wurk An htis suxxxxxx rly rly terabl. 4 realz.24 An Ceiling Cat herd em say it, and saied to hisself Oh rite i 4got. I is ment to not let that hapn. sry i iz stil n00b Ceiling Cat An i wil fixz htat bug in urths version 2.1.25 An Ceiling Cat gave props to teh Heberws, srsly.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

My birthday presents from right wing co-worker

A big sana hilwa ya gameel to Miss C!

Today is her birthday!

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Italian commenter, Strudel, has been feeling a little cranky lately. Could this be the reason?

Monday, March 03, 2008

If they allow gays to marry

I ride the bus with a gorgeous Pakistani guy. One day he told me that he couldn't wait for the gays to get the right to marry in this country.

"The government will not be able to outlaw polygamy any more," he said.

"So, I said, you claim to be a mainstream American now, but you want more than one wife."

"Well what if my wife is not able to have children," he said. "I wouldn't want to just throw her away. I would keep her and marry another woman."

"Wow, I said. Aren't you special? What if your first wife wanted to divorce you and marry a guy who didn't want kids? That way she could be his one and only wife."

He looked skeptical. I got the impression he is hoping his first wife is barren. That way he is sure to get two wives.

Right-wing co-worker says

"Hillary must love the taste of her own foot!"

Saturday, March 01, 2008

When poor people get on your nerves

The Black engineer I ride the bus with told me that his sister is getting ready to retire from social work. She can't take it any more.

Her goal, from the time she was old enough to have one, was to help her people. She got a degree and formed her own social welfare organization.

After 30 years she is now totally fed up with her clients and as she puts it, "Poor people get on my nerves."

"You know why I love Israelis?"

On NPR today a reporter was describing an exchange between an Iraqi Kurd reporter and an Arab Iraqi reporter.

The Kurd was saying that he had filled in a section of a form asking for his nationality with, "Kurdish."

The Arab Iraqi replied, "That's not a nationality, there'll never be a Kurdistan."

"You know why I love Israelis, the Kurd asked the Arab, I love them because they are so good at killing Arabs."